PART 1: IDENTITY CRISIS
Part of the crowd, one in a billion
I’m no bigger or tter or di erent from the rest
How to stand out? Be an individual?
Get my head above the others
so you’ll see me everywhere you look
I’m going to be like that overnight
Just look at the stars on my TV screen
They’re so slim, they can sing, they’ve passed the test
I can’t see how they’ve paid, they’ve just got it made
Now they’re loved and respected
because they’re the best
I’m going to be like them overnight
I need to make this dream a reality
I’ve not analysed the critical path
I don’t need the skill, just the celebrity
Clutching at straws, it can’t be hard
I’m not going to wait, it’s got to be today
Or tonight or tomorrow anyway
I can’t spare the time to practise my craft
I'm just going to deserve the accolade
from giving it everything I’ve got
I’m going to be like them overnight
I’m going to be like that, and there’s no need to put in the hours
Clutching at fame, bring it hard
PART 2:
CULTURAL VAMPIRE (WHO AM I?)
Invest in some intense new clothes intended more to shock than look and feel in any way good.
Shave half of my hair all o then let the other half grow really long and dye it puce.
Because what I look like is more who I am than who I am.
And this is who I am
(What you look like is more who you are than who you are)
Who are you?
Start my own fresh YouTube channel.
You’ve got to subscribe subscribe subscribe to Cultural Vampire.
Get my latest fashion tips, those Nineties jeans with all the rips are dead. They’re so passé.
PART 3: FREAK SHOW
Maybe I’ll go on a television freak show,
get some encouragement for doing something zany
Maybe an audience of millions would laugh at me and enjoy my humiliation
I know this girl, she’s not quite right in the head
She thinks she can sing,
she thinks that she’s thin enough
She thinks that if she gives it everything
(one hundred and ten per cent)
That will make up for training and practice
(Freak show) everyone likes a good laugh
(Freak show) disillusions crashing down
(Freak show) they bring it upon themselves
There’s this young man, wants a piece of the limelight
His specialist skill is eating chocolate quite fast
Maybe he could beat a Guinness World Record
(and maybe he’ll be the best)
on live television, he’s only got to eat eight
(Freak show) sixty seconds tick by
(Freak show) he’s only managed five
(Freak show) missed it by a country mile
Exploitation, but we want to be exploited
and that makes it okay
Does that make it okay?
We knew the danger. We knew what could happen and that makes it okay
Does that make it okay?
(Freak show)
PART 4: HEART AND SOUL
M I went in there, put my heart and soul into it, really gave it all my heart and soul
And at the end of the day, coming from my heart and soul, that’s really all I could have done
J I don’t really think so
I don’t think it’s all you could have done
What about practising?
What about knowing half the words?
What if you’d learned to play in time?
What if you’d tried to have the image this show is looking for? Hmmm?
M Yeah but what I’m saying is I went in there today,
put my heart and soul on the line
Really gave it my heart and soul
And at the end of the day,
coming right from my heart and soul, there’s nothing more I could have done
J We don’t really think so!
Maybe if the hairdo wasn’t puce and you hadn’t sauntered in with the personality of chalk
And how about if you didn’t take the classic songs and make them all... unnnh
I mean, I don’t mean to be rude but you clearly couldn’t hold a tune even if you emptied out the sand from that bucket by the door
Is any of this helping you?
M But I put my heart and soul into that performance!
J But in the real world that’s not really good enough
you’ve not analysed the critical path
Sincerity won’t compensate for ability,
even though it means you’ll have to work hard
The Judges: Time to dismount your winged unicorn of delusion!
J And in the real world that’s not really good enough, you’ve not analysed the critical path
Success isn’t measured out by celebrity,
so if you’ve a dream, chase it hard
PART 5: EPIPHANY
It seems like my dream was too far from reality,
I’ve analysed the critical path
I’ll acquire the skills, forget the celebrity,
even if it means I’ve got to work hard
Ambition is distilled from pure reality and I’ve analysed the critical path
Success isn’t measured out by celebrity
Now I can take pride in playing my part, my life, my love, my heart